The wee hours of the morning are so quiet and still. The soft purr of kids sleeping. The comforting ever so slight whirr of the central heat dispursing its warmth through our apartment. Hot coffee in hand, I go to my favorite spot on the sofa, swing my feet up into a comfy position on the other cushions while letting my head rest against the wall behind me. Everything is still.
Everything except my mind. It may as well be NASCAR in my brain. Here comes car #1, driven by StessingOverThingsICannotChange followed by RegrettingPoorChoicesMade. Don't look now, but HowInTheWorldAmIGoingToGetEverythingPaidOnTime is squeezing in trying to take the lead. Each driver takes his turn in the lead, but it is that continuous, monotonous, round and round the circle we go.
Herein lies the battle...the mind games. Author, John Eldredge, describes this volatile takeover as the "thief of joy." Nehemiah 8:10 tells us, "Do not grieve, for the joy of the LORD is your strength.” If the thief steals your joy, your strength has been stolen, too. As a mother, single or not, strength is as vital to you as the air you breathe or the blood pumping through your veins. You must keep going whether you feel it or you don't. There is no sick time, no vacation time.
I have found that I can rest in His perfect peace, peace "that passes all understanding." When sheer panic tries to take its fierce grip, turning my stomach inside out, I stop. I take a deep breath allowing no words to come from my mouth except, "God, I trust you." Period. Then, I keep walking.
Now, back to the race...
From outta nowhere, here comes Driver #7 who appears to be just sailing by the other drivers. In a massive explosion, all the other drivers are taken out of the competition. There is only one driver left and He is taking me over the finish line.
"Jesus, take the wheel." --Carrie Underwood
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