The Vine

Today has been one of those days!  To sit down and tell you exactly what has been tough about it is impossible.  I can't really name one thing above another.  Water all over the bathroom floor from bath time is not that unusual.  Rambunctious behavior partly due to a missed nap time, not usually so draining.  Functioning on little or no sleep is not usually this difficult.  Okay, so what exactly IS the problem?

When I find that everything seems intolerable around me, it generally means something is awry in me.  Things are definitely awry.  There is a battle going on inside, spiritual warfare.  A fight for control--control of emotions, control of uncontrollable situations, control of SELF.  Even stressing over financial woes is a fight for control.  We are literally fighting with God for control when we should just toss that big load of worry on His shoulders.  His stature can handle it.  Mine most certainly cannot.

So, what now?  I run to my favorite spot on the couch, lay my head on my favorite cushion, and picture Jesus sitting there, wiping the now streaming tears from my face.  I get very still, very quiet and I wait.  I wait for His peace, His direction, His comfort to consume me and take away the load I've tried to drag around with me all day.  I let His presence envelop me, and only then can I press my restart button.  I am recharged, reconnected to the Vine.  John 15:5 is recorded as, “I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing."

Now, I can make clear decisions or I can have peace while I wait for the answer.  Now, I can feel my patience restored and I can deal kindly with my children or my estranged husband.  I can now clean up the water on the bathroom floor without crying.  I can get rambunctious kids in bed without a fight, but with a giggle and tender kiss on those adorably sweet cheeks.  I can pray without subjecting them to an "all about me" prayer. 

To sum it up, He is all I need! :)

John 16:33 I have told you these things, so that in Me you may have [perfect] peace and confidence. In the world you have tribulation and trials and distress and frustration; but be of good cheer [take courage; be confident, certain, undaunted]! For I have overcome the world. [I have deprived it of power to harm you and have conquered it for you.]

Introduction

I am a 34-year old mother of two and as you've already figured out....I'm single.  Well, bascially single.  My husband and I have been separated for 2 1/2 years.  Legally, we are married; however, we live in different cities and we live very different lives.

He lives the fast-paced, big-city life.  I live in a much smaller, much slower town. When it comes to alcohol, I abstain, he indulges.  If he decides to go out for lunch or run an errand, he does so.  I can go, but I have to get two girls dressed, grab a snack and drink for them if we are going to be out a while, and leave the house remembering to put on shoes...and on a good day I will choose a matching set.  Lunch out for Daddy Dearest means a neighborhood bar and grill where "everybody knows your name."  A day out for him might mean a Braves game or a day of golf with the guys.  I, on the otherhand, will opt for a kid-friendly restaurant and places that having shopping carts or are accessible with a double-stroller.  Usually the outing will be early afternoon so as not to interupt bath and bedtime rituals. 

My day starts at 5:00 a.m. and usually does not end before 10:00 p.m.  (Of course, that could be later if I want to do something fun, like read a book, blog or check out facebook!) I work a full-time job and at the moment I have a temporary part-time job.  So, I have to admit there are times when I want to scream, "What makes you so special that you can live without any responsibiltiy while I have given my life to the upbringing of our daughters?" or "What gives you the right to take the time to 'find yourself' while I have to deny myself daily for the betterment of the children?"

Fortunately, before I get too deep in self-pity, the Lord reminds me that I am actually the lucky one.  I have the privilege of seeing those two smiling faces every morning.   The sounds of their laughter fill the rooms of my apartment.  I am the one who can kiss their boo-boos and wipe their tears.  I have the absolute pleasure of tucking them in their beds every  night.  Their bedtime prayers bring a refreshing and light-heartedness that helps me complete the tasks that only begin once they are asleep.  It is wonderful that I get to see the little things that melt your heart--their innocence, sincerity, and purity.  I am the one who is blessed.  I am the one who gets to be Mommy!

Tonight, my 3 year-old said to me, "Mommy, we sure do miss you when we are at school."  What could be greater than that?

"Children are a gift from the Lord;  they are a reward from him." Psalm 127:3